There's a document on my desktop simply labeled “Goals”. At one point I felt as I never really had my goals and dreams in writing, so I decided to write down anything that came to mind. Here are a few of the things I listed:
I want to be a mother
I want us to eat wholesome food and grass-fed meats
I want go hiking and I want to take my kids hiking and camping
I want to read regularly, expanding my knowledge and vocabulary
I don't want to be a stress-case
When I looked my goals over, the message was clear, I wanted to have a family and I wanted to feel and be healthier. I then knew that it couldn't be accomplished here, as you've seen from my previous post. We're surviving and putting some money away in Vancouver, but at the cost of not being able to afford to have children, grass-fed meat (and meat in general) is out of the question so there goes my natural supply of vitamin K2. Most of all I find it hard to be healthy and stress-free in this city.
I can't say I'm 100% mentally healthy, I wish I could but it's definitely not the case. I've struggled with depression and anxiety since I was 13. I've had the occasional therapists during the years but the people who did the best work (well, the only work that made a change) with me cost a lot and with my finances I just couldn't get it to make sense. Now on top of managing my depression and anxiety, I add stress into the mix. I've been using a multitude of ways to manage stress over the last year but it's not been successful. So in addition with my family goals and goals for healthy eating; I can clearly see that I need a slower pace.
The Way Out
My partner and I, after discussing the topic for a long time, decided to take the plunge and move back to his quaint, small and absolutely lovely home town, as long as we couldn't find a better (paying) situation for ourselves here in Vancouver first. We started applying for jobs close to his home town as well as in Vancouver. I'd already booked my tickets to Japan, so I was a little hesitant to apply to just about anything and everything. We set ourselves an end date. If, by the beginning of May no job was to be had, we'd give in our notice to our landlord and move at the end of the month. I must admit, I was personally convinced that we wouldn't get jobs in his hometown without being there. As it turns out, I was mistaken.
About a week ago, my partner received a request for a video conference interview. It was a job in the neighbouring town to his home town and he had all the credentials for it. Similar to what he currently works with but a move upwards. As I was working from home during his interview I listened gleefully as everything sounded positive and the interview took the better part of an hour, always a good sign! A mere two days later he was asked for more references, the next day he was hired.
He managed to secure a start date of March 6th. This was a huge relief for me as I was worried he'd have to start before I was finished with my work, having given notice the week before. So, extremely exciting, we're moving at breakneck speed towards the life we want and dream of. Once I come back from Japan I'll be getting a job and we'll start looking to buy a house.
For the past few days and the next few weeks my stress will definitely take a toll as I have yet to harness it. However soon, very soon, everything will be perfect and as a reward for my work I'll get to go to Japan, where my life will take a turn of its own. Returning relaxed, stress free and ready to put my shovel in the ground and start forming my new life.